


Tears in Silence

by fuzzybunny78



Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia
Genre: Angst, Crying, DLC content, Fire Emblem Echoes Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, Lovers, M/M, Multi, Tears, dead sibling mention with oc name given (alleluia)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 10:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19226983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzzybunny78/pseuds/fuzzybunny78
Summary: Fernand finally musters up the courage to bring Berkut to his old manor years after it was raided and left to rot. When they get there, Fernand has more than just a few tears to shed.





	Tears in Silence

**Author's Note:**

> THIS WORK CONTAINS SPOILERS. If you have not played the Fire Emblem Echoes: Rise of the Deliverance DLC then I suggest proceeding with caution! Thank you!
> 
> Content disclaimers: 
> 
> Berkut and Fernand are already lovers by the time this story takes place.  
> Fernand mentions his older sister a few times, whose name I have headcanoned to be Alleluia.  
> Fernand has a tattoo of the names of his two younger siblings on his right hip. The tattoo covers a scar.   
> Please enjoy!

Fernand clutched the reins of his horse as he wandered down a dirt pathway, averting his gaze from the sight before him as best he could. He brought along a hooded cover to throw on lest anyone in the village recognized him, but they'd taken a road that deemed such a thing unnecessary. If the commoners living on the land saw that the only survivor of the plight had returned, would they kill him too? Most likely. Were there even still people living there? It was hard to say. Fernand wasn't in a rush to find out, either. 

What lay before him was the remains of his family’s mansion, now an empty husk of the bustling haven it once was. It had been abandoned, and honestly, Fernand was somewhat surprised it hadn't fallen down yet. He couldn't look at it for longer than a couple of seconds, and he tried his best not to make that fact obvious. This was supposed to be a positive trip. He had to come here to face the fears and anxiety that plagued him each day.

Beside him, Berkut lightly kicked the sides of his horse to catch up to Fernand. The manor much bigger than he anticipated, and it looked to be in good condition despite its years of inactivity. “My goodness, Fernand. It’s much bigger than I thought.” The young prince smiled over at his knight once he pulled up next to him on his horse, and he immediately noticed the slight pinch between Fernand’s eyebrows as he stared straight ahead. Berkut couldn’t imagine what kind of emotional pain Fernand was going through. 

Fernand nodded curtly as to not ignore his liege, but he stayed quiet until the two reached the old wooden stables on the far side of the property. Of course, Berkut noticed right away, being the ever-observant young man that he was. He would usually pry on Fernand to say what was on his mind, he decided that right now would not be the best time. He was here as support, not a hindrance. 

The house was very large, and it was once a brilliant shade of white. After the raid, however, the paint had begun to wear without anyone to care for it. There were windows in every room, and almost every one on the first floor had been shattered into a million pieces. Just how many people had been a part of this incident? A few dozen? A hundred? The whole village? 

The two continued across the property, and Fernand steered them both in the direction of the stableyard. Upon arriving, he silently and busily preoccupied himself by dismounting his finest destrier and securing it into an old stable. He’d seen his father do this in that very spot countless times, though this time there would be no towering figure to ruffle his hair and smile down at him. Fernand took a deep breath in through his nose and out his mouth, forcing a smile as he looked back over at Berkut. "Well it's not much of a looker anymore, but...it's home."

While Fernand was preoccupied, Berkut had already dismounted his horse and secured it in the stable to his left. The young prince chuckled quietly and nodded in understanding, and he held his hand out for Fernand to take. “I understand you have many fond memories here, yes? I look forward to learning about them.” 

Fernand stood in a daze as he marveled at the dark rooms and tattered windows, and he didn't hear his liege straight away. It hadn't always been like this. Someone always passed the window at any given moment, but that was obviously no longer the case. 

"Hm?" Fernand quickly snapped out of his trance before putting on his smile once more, holding out his hand before bowing a bit to the young prince out of habit. Alright, this was it. He was about to face the fears that had been mercilessly causing him strife for years, and he was happy that it was a clear day with his dear Berkut. "Oh yes, of course. Follow me."

The two locked hands then, and they stared at each other for a brief moment of silence before beginning to slowly walk across the snowy path to the estate. The clanking of their armor echoed in the distance as they approached the mansion, and the absence of any other sound made both men uneasy. They were truly alone. 

Along the way, Berkut kept turning his head every few seconds to see how Fernand was faring. Every step forward was a step closer to coming face to face with the site of Fernand’s biggest burden, and it had been years since he’d been here last. “Fernand.”

"Don't worry." The corner of Fernand’s lip faltered a little before he quickly steeled his expression, and he stopped in front of the grand entrance before turning to Berkut and taking both of his hands. He may as well let him say what he wanted to say. "I'm sorry. Before we go inside...yes? What is it?"

Without another word, Berkut pulled Fernand into a tight hug, holding him close to his chest as he rested his hand on the back of Fernand’s head. He knew Fernand needed this, and while it wasn’t exactly in his nature to be so affectionate at once, he knew he had to act on Fernand’s behalf this time. Berkut cared about Fernand more than anyone in the world, and seeing him hurt made Berkut’s heart hurt as well. “Everything is okay.”

 _Wait...I’m sorry? What did you say_? Fernand stood there in shock before he brought his hands up to rest on Berkut's back, and he turned his head to face the double doors of the entrance. Surprisingly, he didn't feel tears welling in his eyes just yet. He was in his favorite place in the world with his favorite person in the world. In hindsight, this was a day that he'd been looking forward to. Not only to explore the catacombs of his former manor but also to show the love of his life the most fundamental part of his history. "...Thank you. Thank you, Berkut."

“If you are feeling upset, it is alright to cry. I can tell you are hurting.” Berkut lowered his voice to a whisper as he spoke, slowly combing his fingers through Fernand’s silver hair as he looked around the front entrance to the mansion, trying to get a feel for the whole place. He wanted to take a moment to let Fernand unwind a little before they headed inside, since the last thing he wanted was for Fernand to immediately get overwhelmed with emotion.

Fernand pulled away just enough to see Berkut's face, and he offered another sad smile before kissing his lover's soft lips. At the same time, Fernand reached out his left hand and pushed against one of the grand wooden doors, which gently swung open after years of serving no purpose. Fernand pulled away from the kiss as soon as the creaking of the hinges stopped, and he took a deep breath before peering inside. 

"Well...shall we?" Fernand sighed before staring at the empty hallway before him, and suddenly his feet felt like they were glued to the front step. He finally felt the familiar sting of tears threatening the corners of his eyes, but he couldn’t risk focusing on it right now. He could feel Berkut's eyes on him. Part of him didn't even want to go in anymore. Part of him wanted to say that he'd seen enough and make a run for it back to his horse. But that wasn't an option anymore. _That was never an option_. 

Fernand flicked his eyes over at his companion before forcing one leg in front of the other until he was inside. All at once, the memories of frolicking these halls as a young boy hit him as if they didn't already plague his every waking hour. "I...I remember everything..."

“Everything is still here...wow...” Berkut replied, more focused on the actual house than the man he’d come to support. The pictures that hung on the walls were worn, but still visible enough that one could tell what they were. The furniture appeared relatively untouched as well, at least in the main hallway. Berkut’s eyes scanned the front room as the two stepped into the mansion, and he felt a sense of sadness in the pit of his chest. It wasn’t his problem, but he couldn’t help but feel a little empathy. “I’m amazed.”

Fernand silently reached over and grabbed ahold of Berkut's hand, squeezing it gently as he stared vacantly down the hall. He blinked a few times then to snap himself out of his daze, and he turned his attention to the pictures on the wall as he led his lover down the main corridor. It wasn't time for sadness yet. "Ah yes...the portraits. One for each member of the family. Mine is a little way down, but I'll point it out to you."

While the two held hands, Berkut could immediately feel Fernand’s fingers trembling. He glanced down at their intertwined hands before lifting Fernand’s hand, kissing the leather surface of his glove. “Tell me who is who. I do not know.” Berkut looked down at Fernand before placing another small kiss on the top of his head. He wasn’t normally so affectionate, but at a time like this, Fernand needed every bit of comfort he could get.

"Why of course." Fernand smiled as he slowed his pace, and he used his free hand to motion up at the wall. The paintings at the beginning of the hallway were rather faded since they had access to direct sunlight from the broken windows, but Fernand could still tell who each subject was. He hoped that the later portraits remained intact, and he thanked the gods that they remained relatively untouched in the raid all those years ago. "This first woman is my birth mother, followed by my father. The other woman next to him is my stepmother. They were arranged like this for the purpose of my father being in the middle, but my sister always liked that guests saw a portrait of a woman when they first arrived."

“She is quite beautiful. I suppose that’s where you get your good looks.” Berkut chuckled as he looked down at his lover, sweeping the silver locks of hair out from Fernand’s face so he could see him a little better. He felt overjoyed that Fernand would share something this personal to him. After all, this was the only secret between the two of them. This was the _final_ thing that Fernand had been keeping under wraps. Berkut never dared to rush Fernand’s efforts to come to terms with the tragedy - it took a lot of courage for Fernand to show up here in the first place.

Fernand's cheeks dusted pink at the compliment before he looked up at his lover, smiling when he saw the other man already looking at him before closing the distance between them with a kiss. He was still shaking as memories clouded his thoughts, but having Berkut here was the best possible thing for him. A moment later the kiss was broken, and Fernand nodded in thanks. Further down the hallway, there were only two other portraits: one of Fernand himself, and one of his sister. "By the gods...that's her." Fernand stopped when he laid his eyes on his sister's portrait, and he stared in stunned silence at the beautiful woman. She looked every bit like how he remembered, and simply seeing her face again was enough to fill Fernand's face with tingles. Was it time to cry already? No. Just a little longer. "...That's my sister. Alleluia."

“She is very beautiful. I’m sure she was a very lovely woman.” Berkut nodded as he studied the woman’s face, and he felt a haunting feeling fall over him. He wondered if the bodies were still here - and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out. If not the bodies, were there spirits here? _Gods, I didn’t sign up for paranormal business_. Berkut shrugged off the feeling as he looked back down at Fernand, noticing a film glazed over his eyes. _If you are feeling upset, it is alright to cry. I can tell you are hurting_. 

Another sad smile spread across Fernand's face as he stepped forward, looking up at his beloved sister's face as the tightness in his chest continued to grow. He never thought he'd be back here, let alone see Alleluia's face again. He'd forgotten about this portrait. Fernand placed his hand on the painting's gold frame, blinking a few times before hanging his head in sorrow. He didn't know how much longer he could fight back the tears. "The painting next to this one is me, you know. Granted, I was only about seventeen when it was painted, but...anyway. I'd like a moment here, and then I'll show you my sister's favorite room. I'm sure it will be your favorite as well."

Berkut nodded once as he turned to face the portrait of his lover, surprised he almost looked exactly the same. He had aged well. “You look absolutely ravishing in this portrait, Fernand. The artist did an impeccable job at capturing all your best features, I must say.” Berkut wrapped his arm around Fernand’s waist, pulling him closer as a subconscious way to provide comfort. Unbeknownst to Fernand, Berkut had seen him cry before. More than once.

"You flatter me." Fernand laughed quietly before looking up at his lover, kissing his soft cheek before returning his gaze to the two portraits. The two really did look similar: the same cheekbones, the same silvery, straight hair, the same jawline...the family resemblance was uncanny. For a moment Fernand contemplated taking the portrait back to Rigel, but what would he do with it there? It would be weird for him to have a portrait of his dead sister in a room that wasn't even rightfully his. It was also a rather big painting. "Perhaps we will get an updated portrait commissioned once you become emperor, my love."

“Ah yes, maybe so. One of you, too, of course.” Berkut smiled gently as he looked down at his lover, his eyes flickering up for a moment to catch a glimpse of an old piano in the other room. Berkut placed a small kiss on the top of Fernand’s head before slowly walking towards the other room, stepping inside after standing in the doorway for a few extra moments. “Piano...can I try to play?”

"Hm? Oh! Of course. Though I doubt it'll work after staying untouched for so long..." Fernand blushed and touched the ends of his hair, smiling to himself before following Berkut into the other room. He smiled at the site even though it was tattered and dirty, but with the sun washing over the room, it was hard not to recall fond memories. This was Alleluia's favorite room. "You know...there's something I'm not telling you about all this. Um...I don't know if you know, but..." Fernand lowered his voice to a whisper. "I was here. I witnessed everything with my own eyes."

Berkut furrowed his brow as he heard Fernand’s soft words waft through the silent room, carefully sitting down in the seat right in front of the piano. “Oh, Fernand...I did not know of this.” Berkut breathed in the dusty air before playing a few chords on the piano, his expression twisting as he heard how out of tune they were. Some of the keys didn’t even work, just as Fernand predicted. “Goodness..what an old piano.”

Fernand chuckled quietly when he saw Berkut's sour reaction, and he kneeled down on the marble floor to touch its smooth surface. "Alleluia loved this room...I would often find her here for no reason other than to be with the view. It wasn't unlikely that I would look up from training and see her carefully watching my every move." Fernand's voice caught in his throat as he tried to bring up happier memories, but they were quickly overshadowed by the elephant in the room. So much for focusing on the positive. "It was here...right here, exactly where I'm kneeling...where I held my sister for the last time."

“Fernand...” Berkut had known Fernand long enough to tell how he was feeling by his speech patterns, especially since Fernand carried so much emotion in his voice. _Does he need space or comfort? Gods, I have no idea_. Berkut shook his head as he thought back and forth, thinking maybe it was the best idea for him to go over and hold Fernand. That’s exactly what he was going to do.

Fernand hunched back over and held his breath to hold down a sob, and he stared through his watery eyes at his hands. Had they been trembling this whole time? "I remember I couldn't see her face very well from crying so much...I imagine she looked in pain. I remember...desperately pressing with all my might against her biggest wound-" _On her right hip_. "-to try to get the bleeding to stop...and I remember her quietly consoling me as she always would when I was scared...her soft hand cradled my cheek and served its final purpose against my skin...the last thing she ever said was that she loved me."

Each word out of Fernand’s mouth stabbed Berkut in the heart anew, and he slowly rose from his seat at the piano to enact what he planned to do. As he made his way across the smooth floor, the only sounds for a thousand miles were his footsteps echoing off the empty walls and Fernand’s staggered breathing. It was poetic in a way - a man going to console his loved one as the rest of the world stood in silence. 

Berkut kneeled down as slowly as he could so as not to break the silence, his built arms wrapping firmly around Fernand’s body. It was just the right amount of force to show Fernand that he cared, and Berkut went right to work rubbing the other man’s back and kissing the bit of his neck that poked out from under his cravat. “She’s in a better place now. You know that. And thanks to you, she didn’t have to suffer for very long.” 

Fernand couldn't hold it anymore. He choked out a grand sob before collapsing even further against the floor, bringing his gloved hand up to his face in the exact way he remembered his sister doing. His hand mirrored her movements from years ago, and the other one flew to his right hip, where the names of his younger siblings lay branded on his skin over a wound that nearly killed him. How ironic it was to have the man that nearly delivered him to his family here for comfort. Even more ironic was that Fernand was so madly in love with him. "Oh, Alleluia...how I long for your guidance, dear sister...I don't know what to do…”

Berkut closed his eyes as he held Fernand close to his chest, gently rubbing his back in hopes to calm him down a little. “It’s okay to cry, my love. You’re going to be okay,” With his free hand, Berkut reached up to wipe Fernand’s tear-streaked face. “I know you miss her greatly, but I’m sure she’s smiling down at you right now. Watching over you.”

Fernand sniffled and turned his head to face the hallway connecting to a side foyer, and he held on tighter to the man in front of him. He was thankful that Berkut was being so gentle. "In...in the background, I could hear the screams and cries of my younger siblings down the hall," Fernand lifted his head again and stared out at the snowscape Alleluia so adored, even though it was nothing more than a white blur to Fernand's glassy eyes. "They sounded so scared, Berkut...I could tell they only had each other. Their mother had already been killed by that point." Fernand grimaced for the hundredth time as he continued to push through his memories, and the pained smile found itself back in place. He didn't want it there. "Berkut, I...their terrified screams were silenced before I had time to reach them. They were _toddlers_...young, innocent minds who never got to experience the world...and I never got to say goodbye."

Berkut nodded silently as he let Fernand get his emotions out, pulling him closer so he could comfort him a little easier. He ran his fingers gently through Fernand’s hair, scratching lightly against his scalp. This was so much worse than Berkut imagined. Maybe this trip was a good idea after all.

Fernand wiped his eyes and looked down at his lap, leaning into Berkut's touch before making eye contact with him. "Thank you for being here...I needed you." Fernand laughed quietly before hitching his breath, rubbing his scar for a moment before nodding slightly. "I'm not afraid. I won't cry anymore."

**Author's Note:**

> WOW OKAY so this is hands down my favorite piece I've published so far. I've had this concept in my head for so long and I wanted to be absolutely sure it was perfect before posting it. I'm very happy with the end result! I want to post more works about Fernand in the future oh my god he's my favorite fire emblem character.
> 
> Also! My school year is finally over, which means I have a queue lasting for the whole summer! Please check out my linktree for more information + a commission form that you can fill out if you're interested.
> 
> As always, here are my socials + linktree:   
> Linktree: https://linktr.ee/fuzzybunny78  
> Cosplay Instagram: @fuzzybunny78  
> Twitter: @fernandfe15


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